


In a sweet design (call me)

by Trojie



Category: Inception (2010)
Genre: Banter, Crack, Dialogue-Only, Dirty Talk, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-15
Updated: 2011-05-15
Packaged: 2017-10-19 10:19:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trojie/pseuds/Trojie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They genuinely meant to have a phonecall about the current job, but it got out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In a sweet design (call me)

**Author's Note:**

> Dialogue-only cracky phonesex. For the prompt _'Eames' dirty talk bringing Arthur off, embarrassingly quick. Arthur deadpans and Eames just talks and talks and talks and Arthur has to give in'_ at Cherrybina's [Inception Kink Fest](http://cherrybina.livejournal.com/211815.html). Not sure how closely I actually obeyed the original prompt (bit of role-reversal going on) but such is life and the nature of commentfests.
> 
> Title from 'Call Me' by Blondie.

'- and if Cobb has the whole pool-boy angle covered -'

'I know the mark and Ariadne both have this unnatural interest in Cobb in skimpy Lycra, but I have to say, I think we're overlooking our main source of talent in that area.'

'Eames, one of the many, _many_ reasons I'm not the extractor on this team is that I don't like putting my ass on the line in any way, particularly literally.'

'You get shot in basically every job we pull.'

'In the head.'

'Are you telling me you'd rather be shot in the head than wear a pair of Speedos?'

'That's exactly what I'm telling you. Getting shot in the head occasionally is part of my job description. Stripping is not.'

'It doesn't count as stripping if you're going out there in only one piece of clothing. Stripping implies taking clothes off.'

'I know what stripping is, Eames.'

'I'll believe _that_ when I see it.'

'Oh, you're never going to see it.'

'That sounds like a challenge.'

'I'm not stripping. Definitely not for you.'

'I bet you'd be good at it. I've seen you dance, I know you can move. You'd peel yourself out of those ridiculous jumpers of yours and our clients would melt.'

'I thought I was stripping for you in this scenario?'

'Oh, so you are going to be stripping?'

'Only in your head.'

'Oh no, pet, in my head you're just sitting there fully clothed, smirking at me. That way I'm never unsatisfied - my dreams come true every day.'

'And what do you do in this filthy little fantasy of yours?'

'Oh, everything.'

'Such as?'

'Getting interested, are we?'

'I have free international calling thanks to a phreaker I met in college, and there's nothing on TV. Keep talking, Mister Eames. I'm sure the Internet will be interested even if it turns out not to be my thing.'

'Oh, so you might be interested?'

'I won't know if you don't tell me all the sordid little details, will I?'

'Get comfy then. This might take a while.'

'Is this the part where you tell me to loosen my clothing?'

'Only if you think you're about to faint. And if you think you're about to faint you should tell me so that I can come at once to clasp you to my heaving bosom.'

'I'm confused about why you think I'm a Victorian maiden. And you're twelve thousand miles away. If I waited for you to show up to help me out of my attack of the vapours I'd have died before you got here.'

'It's not that I think you're a Victorian maiden, it's just that I think you'd look good on a chaise longue. Or possibly using one of those hysteria machines ...'

'... I promise you I'm not suffering from Victorian 'hysteria'.'

'So it's just an ordinary 21st century dry spell then?'

'I get plenty, thank you. Plenty more than you do.'

'Your hand doesn't count, Arthur. Neither do projections.'

'Just because you do it doesn't mean we all do. And get your hand out of your pants.'

'Good hearing you've got.'

'I can't believe you're masturbating to me telling you off.'

'I'm not, I'm simply keeping my free hand warm in this frigid climate.'

'What the hell made you decide to go to Kathmandu anyway?'

'Er, you did?'

'Well, you could have waited and stalked the mark's boyfriend at his next holiday in Corfu.'

'That would have added an extra month onto our timeframe.'

'So behind all the bullshit, you really are a professional, huh?'

'Not so professional that I'm going to hang up now instead of asking, so, Arthur, what are you wearing this evening?'

'Does it matter?'

'It does if you don't want me to sit here with my hand in my pants imagining you in a pair of Speedos.'

'Pants. Shirt. Sweater.'

'No frilly knickers? This is the worst phone-sex I've ever had.'

'Oh, so this is phone-sex now?'

'Well it was _meant_ to be a phonecall about the job, but that went off the rails.'

'Not because of me.'

'Entirely because of you. You don't think I'd be sitting here shirtless with Cobb on the other end, do you?'

'You're shirtless now?'

'I've been shirtless most of the time. You just never asked.'

'Hmm. Was that part of the bit where you tell me about your nasty little fantasies where I smirk at you?'

'I'm in love with the fact that you think you sound completely uninterested in those fantasies.'

'As long as that's all you're in love with, Mister Eames.'

'And for some reason I'm picturing the smirk again.'

'Is it keeping you warm?'

'Oh, you have no idea.'

'No, I don't, because despite the fact that video calling has been a reality for nearly ten years, we're not using it. So you're going to have to give me the details.'

'Really?'

'Really. What the hell. I'm bored. Cobb's at home with the kids and Ariadne's having a weird black-and-white art film marathon with Yusuf. Entertain me.'

'Your wish is my command.'

'Go on then.'

'I suppose you want me to set the scene, so: I'm in an armchair in my bedsit, and it's fucking freezing outside, there's sleet on the windowsill, but I've got a heater on and it's hot in here, so I took my shirt off a while ago, as you know.'

'And you've got your hand in your pants.'

'I have my hand, as you so succinctly observe, in my underpants, yes. The other hand is currently holding the phone, but I have this feeling it might be a sensible move to put you on speakerphone soon. I can think of other uses for my hand.'

'And you want me to just watch you?'

'Let's say, I suspect you like to watch. And I like to give people what they want.'

'And say I wanted to do more than watch? After a while?'

'Well I'd hope you'd take some of those clothes off first, but then again I wouldn't be averse to rubbing up against all that expensive wool ...'

'So you're naked, and I'm dressed, and I'm what, on top of you?'

'At first. And then I'm going to drag you up close so that I can undo the buttons on your trousers with my teeth - are you touching yourself?'

'... I'm keeping my hand warm.'

'Good excuse. Original.'

'Shut up, Eames.'

'Really? So you just want me to sit here and wank in silence?'

'Would that be as much fun as goading me into joining you?'

'So you're going to be joining me?'

'Not if you don't get on with it.'

'Fair enough. Well, as I was saying. My teeth, undoing your buttons, and then I'll drag your trousers down, and - do you wear underpants?'

'Depends on the occasion.'

'Would this be an underpants sort of an occasion?'

'Would you like it to be?'

'I would like you to answer the question.'

'Well, if I knew you'd just be slobbering over them then no, I probably wouldn't be wearing underwear.'

'In that case, this becomes delightfully simple - I'm going to get your trousers as much out of the way as possible, and then I'm going to suck your cock.'

'You don't beat around the bush, do you.'

'Your turn.'

'Excuse me?'

'I've told you what I want to do to you, now you have to tell me how you like it. Or tell me what you're doing - either is fine. Don't think I can't hear your hand moving.'

'Mostly I'm picturing your scenario.'

'And what do you think?'

'I think I'm going to let you take me out of my pants, and then I'm going to hold your head while you put your mouth on me.'

'Oh really?'

'I'm going to get you to sit back against the back of the chair, and I'm going to kneel up, and I'm going to feed you my cock, as much as you can take.'

'Nnnngh.'

'I'm sorry, what was that?'

'N-nothing, darling. Do keep going.'

'Oh, I will. You're not going to be able to speak, you're going to have to concentrate on breathing while I do all the moving, braced on the arms of the chair, until you can't take it any more and you try to push me off.'

'You think I can't take whatever you have to give me?'

'I'm sure you'll try.'

'Try and succeed, you know that.'

'I'm on speakerphone, aren't I.'

'It's more efficient.'

'You've got both hands on yourself, don't you. One on your cock and ... one somewhere else?'

'Wouldn't you like to know where.'

'I can guess. I'd say you were fingering yourself, but ... no. No, I think you're playing with your nipples, aren't you. I think you're twisting them while you jack yourself and talk to me, because you like that it's just a little bit sharp and it keeps you focused. You like being focused, don't you, Eames.'

'Something like that. So, you want to fuck my face, hmm?'

'For a while. But we don't have to stay in that chair.'

'I've got a bed. Big, comfy bed. So big I need help keeping it warm.'

'I'll help. Don't worry about that. But you need to tell me what you want, Eames, or I'm just going to hold you down and open you up with my fingers, and when I say my fingers I mean all of my fingers, one after the other until you either beg for my fist or beg for my cock, one or the other, but you're going to beg. If we do that. We don't _have_ to - you just have to tell me what you want.'

'...'

'Eames? Talk to me, Eames.'

'...'

'I can hear every time your fist slides over your cock, and I can hear you breathing, I know you're there. Are you fingering yourself now? Is that what this is?'

'...'

'Tell me what you want, Eames, or I'm going to put the phone down.'

'... I want that.'

'See, that wasn't so bad.'

'Fuck you, you're breathing just as hard as I am.'

'And yet still talking. Because I can think about screwing you through the mattress and tell you about it at the same time. If you thought you were going to win this game of one-up-manship you were sadly wrong, my friend. Now. Which do you want? Fist or cock?'

'... Ask me again tomorrow.'

'Excuse me?'

'I've been locked in a cubicle in the gents' at Tribhuvan Airport since I called you. I got the info. I'm coming back to LA. So you can ask me that question again tomorrow. I meant to tell you, Arthur, I swear, but things got out of hand -'

'... Alright, I'll ask you tomorrow when I've got you bent over my desk in the offices with your pants around your ankles. But I'm asking you right now as well, and I don't give a fuck where you are, _you're going to answer me_.'

'Christ, Arthur, I just ... cock, please -'

'It'll still be all slick from your spit, but I'll get the lube anyway, because I don't want to hurt you. Even though you deserve a little bit of punishment for lying. You should have just told me the truth - the idea of you jacking off in a Nepalese bathroom kind of appeals.'

'You can punish me all you - _fuck_ \- like when I get back.'

'I'm gonna finger you til you can't talk, and I'm gonna push home and let you screw yourself back however you want, gonna drag you close and give it to you - nnnngh, Jesus, Eames, I hope you're happy you got me started, you fucker -'

'Ah, so the famously impassive Arthur can be riled up, can he? Have I managed that?'

'You're panting, asshole, c'mon, you have to be close. I'm gonna have you so hard, you're not gonna be able to sit for a week.'

'Oh, I'm close, but I bet you're closer, all your - shit - all your talking, all your little fantasies. Such a - _Jesus, Arthur, fucking fuck, fuck_ \- a little control freak. I'm gonna give you that, give you everything you want, everything you want to take from me, I don't back down, you'll find out -'

'I fucking know you don't back down, that's why I want to - that's why I wanna have you so bad, know you'll love it, know you'll take every single fucking thing -'

'Gonna come, Arthur, all over this crappy toilet wall, c'mon, need to hear you -'

'Keep talking, Eames, keep talking, _Jesus fuck_ -'

'...'

'...'

'Fuck, that's my boarding call. Gotta go.'

'Tomorrow -'

***DIAL TONE***

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic]In a sweet design (call me)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456690) by [kalakirya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalakirya/pseuds/kalakirya), [readbyjela (jelazakazone)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jelazakazone/pseuds/readbyjela)




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